He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
