I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
