Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
