i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
