Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
