Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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