my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
