Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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