Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
