you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
