I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
