the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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