I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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