I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
