I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
