An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
