At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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