Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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