Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
