I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
