She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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