I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
