Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
