One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
