He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
