I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
