i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
