Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
