DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
