he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
third nipple confirmed
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
