I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
