my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
