I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
