so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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