Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
