Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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