Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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