he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
