So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
