Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
