so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
