We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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