she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
