i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
