Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
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He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize