Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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