He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
