so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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