You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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