Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
