I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
