well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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