OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
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I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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