Cold hands, warm shart.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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