I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
