I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
