Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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