you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
