i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
