are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
