May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
