I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
