Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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