Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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