i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
