Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
