There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
