barbara walters just said penis...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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