ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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