bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
