Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Randomize
