I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i need some magic done to my vagina
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
