can u get pink eye on your cock?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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