I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.