took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.