Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?