after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.