I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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