I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
