ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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