holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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