Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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