oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Bring me that man meat
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
